**warning!! long rants of shits up ahead!! feel free to click the [x] button on the top right..
more often than not i'd always think to myself that i'm the one instigating all the issues on my own...when things are too mundane i'd want to make things more interesting and exciting...ever since God knows when I've always wanted to go abroad..not only for holidays but to really "migrate" there somehow...last year I was so determined to further my Masters at first..searching for all the study options, scholarships available and etc...typically me..it bear no fruit..primarily due to financial constraint..it's almost impossible for me to save up MYR100k in a year or 2..and i was adamant on not to even ask for my parents' help in funding my studies overseas as i know they've enough commitments and i don't want to burden them further...and i don't intend to borrow bank loan or any other loan for that matter as i have my PTPTN loan to clear as it is...scholarships? yea..not easy to obtain full scholarships but could try for other scholarships ain't it? well, guess i lacked the perseverance to pull it through..lame..i know..so, byebye to Masters for the mo...><
next, my plan to NZ for the working holiday visa thingy..this i was really close to achieving it..super persistent on going for this THIS year (2011), i had everything planned out etc etc (even to the extend of dropping in Oz to visit my friend along the way)...asked my parents' opinion as well, they hadn't much to say..though not so keen but they said they'll support my decision as it is my life and it's up to me how i want to live it...so...i was pretty ready for it actually...waiting for the "Re-Opening" of the visa application so that I could submit my application..they have only 1150 places available to Malaysians and i was anticipating to make my application and all...until, (right..here's..another "excuse") something rather serious i'd say happened to my family during Xmas..it was a horrible Xmas for me :( it was a pretty serious case which could drag to certain period of time to come...and because of that, i wasn't that earnest in going anymore..i kept delaying and delaying telling myself that i want to see the situation back home before deciding to fly off for 6 months and all...and as expected...in the end..the visa sold off like hot cakes fresh from oven and it was sold off in February! only 2 months after it was opened for application!! OMG! so there, byebye NZ ><
problems seem to arise very consistently for me..and EVERYTHING involves $$$! wtf!!! after putting my dreams aside..put aside..haven't given up..though almost on the verge of giving up and accept the fact that i'm just not meant to go abroad for there are so many hindrance one after another...anyways, that apart..an opportunity for me to visit UK popped up! without further consideration i grabbed it asap knowing that if i don't do so right now only God knows when will the next opportunity appear again...Thank God everything went well and i will be going to UK soon...but problem lies where i won't be able to apply for leave during that period..headache...in the mean time, i was exploring other job opportunities in NZ and Singapore..okay..so NZ is out at the moment as I so tell myself that I don't want to go too far from my family...nearest option would be Singapore..applied for a number of vacancies but to no avail..received feedback that i lacked certain experience...HENCE, i planned on gaining the experience here first before embarking on my plan to relocate in order for me to be more worthy of my experience than to be taken for granted (with exceptionally low pay)...i guess now is just my own problem for i expect too much ><
anyhow, decided to put on hold working in Singapore (although i've been itching to leave ASAP!!) and look for jobs locally instead..did apply to some back in Penang at first but in the end decided not to continue due to relationship matters..don't really regret much..had the consent from my dad so i feel much better not wanting to move home now..i will want to move back to Penang some day in the future when i want to settle down...but just not now when i want to expand my career (if i can even say that...) Long story short, I landed myself a new job offer..waiting for the employment letter (still unsure of the start date due to some unforeseen circumstances)..good news isn't it? well..yea...it ought to be..i mean I was the one who applied for it and wanted a change in my job prospect..and I got it! so what am i worry about now? you wanna know? well..resignation...i don't know how to bring it up and feel a little guilty for leaving just after a short period of service...at same time, i'm also thinking/worrying on how long will i serve the new-soon-to-be company? a year again? or 2? or 3?? i'm just afraid that i cannot stay put in a job and i'll end up becoming a job hopper!! which is extremely horrible!! >< so, question is...if i continue with new company for a couple of more years...i won't be able to further my Masters..and do i really want to continue staying here for that period of time? or will i be as desultory as ever??? seriously..i have so many plans and everything but i never seem to be able to stick through one and really achieve anything being so fickle..i'm just like a light switch, flip it up and down easily...sighh...
human nature huh? not contented with what they have and always wanting more? a fool to be so adamant on fulfilling my dreams? i don't know...but what i know is i ought to draft out a plan for my life...in 5 years what do i want to achieve etc...too old for that don't you think? lolz~ unfortunately, this happens when one is wayyyy too childlish and do not think so far in the future and is happily floating by day by day...funnily enough..my friends have told me not to stress myself irrelevantly hahahaha! old habits die hard?? hahahahahaha
cheers ya'll :) even though things might not go well for me..i sure do hope things are doing stupendously well for you all =))
-xoxo-
